Yesterday my department went on a canoe trip. I was pretty excited for it. I've been working out more and eating better and I really felt like going on this trip was going to solidify my new definition of me--you know, as a fit, active person.
The water was really, really low. And I chose a partner similar to my size because I didn't want to have that whole awkward experience where the canoe is really low in one area of another.
Well it was a mistake. We were definitely the heaviest canoe and we had to walk the canoe more than a few times. Like ten times. While the rest of the fit, active scientists trotted down the river, beer in hand, happy as clams.
Oh and we tipped twice. One of which times I hit my elbow which still hurts now as I type. It was all I could do not to bawl on the trip. My partner was annoyed with me. If she had a lighter partner, it probably would have been a smoother ride. If she had someone with better balance, it would have been a smoother ride.
The entire experience took me back to gym class as a kid, when I just couldn't keep up.
Since I was a child I have been uncoordinated and awkward and large. And this trip was a reminder that I am still that.
By 7 that night, I had eaten 300 calories and had expended at least ten times that--between a mile walk that morning along with a biggest loser session and then this boating hell that lasted 4 hours in the hot sun. So I was ravished and stressed and upset with myself.
Needless to say I made some bad eating decisions. I would venture to say I still came out even calorie wise, but that isn't the point. I got upset and reverted back to the healing method that the little fat kid used after swim practice: carbs, bad choices, fat.
I'm going to counsel the little fat kid in me during this long (four day!!) weekend. I'm going to tell her that it's going to be alright. She can change (but the balance thing will probably always be an issue :)). I'm going to say nice things to her, because she deserves it.
How do you help your little fat kid?
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